Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
