a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
