My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
