Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize