Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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