So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
