I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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