I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
