I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
