barbara walters just said penis...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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