so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
