WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
