I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize