Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
