Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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