my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
