bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
