How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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