tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
