Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
