TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
whose parrot is this?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
