I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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