Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
