loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i will never coherently bang her
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
