I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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