apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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