Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
