I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
