It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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