Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
