Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
