Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
handjob tips. give me some.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
