Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
