I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
