did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
