Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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