Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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