My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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