Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
