I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
