Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
