is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
