i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
