you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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