remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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