Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize