I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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