put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize