my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
