I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
