Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
