I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
