she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
