if i can run in heels then i can drive
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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