I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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