As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
