this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
