she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
