he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
