This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
