I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
