Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
