Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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