Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize