It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
