Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
