My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
