Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
