If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
