He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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