The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i love accidental penises.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
