After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
